Nervous

Last night I slept.

Well, I mostly slept. Richard met me after work and we drove to Seward Park for a dinner of Philly cheese steak sandwiches (delicious!). I hadn't slept well the night before, so when we got home I curled up in bed, intending to get up once Richard was ready to go downstairs. Instead of dragging me out of bed he climbed in with me; we slept from seven p.m. to six a.m., with a short dog-and-birth-control break at midnight. I'm well-rested, but as far as accomplishments go I've got nothing.

My night-before-mare centered on being powerless against a stronger male presence. I re-gained the power, lost it, and only re-gained it again when I got angry. The dream reminds me that I put too much focus on Richard as a source of protection and should focus on determining my own abilities instead. (A side note: When I dream, I often lose all strength in my hands - a lovely metaphor - but in this dream I actually used my hands to disable an attacker. A step forward?)

The problem is this: I'm fighting any additions to my already full-seeming schedule. Yes, I'd love to take aikido, but what happens to my once-a-week "relaxing night" if I add two nights away from home? What happens to the dog's play time, the housework, and the few minutes I want to spend ignoring my phone and going comatose in front of a movie?

It makes me nervous.